This “before you hit 40” bucket list is making a crazy impact on me. I’m surprised to see a. how much stuff I’m actually doing and b. how much I love to talk about it. It’s fun to see people’s faces when I say weird stuff that I have just up-and-done because of my list. That being said, enter the bidet.
I found a Bidet
One of my before-40-bucket list items is “to become more worldly.” Although not a specific goal (like you should do/specific, measurable, attainable) I feel like this particular goal is more of a general, keep it in the back of your head, type. It also allows me the freedom to explore different things that I might not normally explore, under the pretense of “it’s on the list.”
Now trust me, I didn’t wake up and say think to myself today is the day I will buy a bidet. Honestly I didn’t even know how to spell the damn thing. However, I saw a video and my world changed.
The video was mainly about how Americans are so iffy about bidets. Most of the world uses a bidet, or a bidet like system to clean themselves. As I’m watching the video I was admittedly a little hesitate about using one, even after hearing about all the benefits. Then a women on the video got me with pure logic.
“If you got poop on your arm, you wouldn’t just wipe it off with some paper.”
Done.
I immediately got on Amazon and bought a bidet that hooks directly on my toilet, and now I feel as clean as a bright spring morning.
The Myths & the Facts:
Bidets are for whores.
This is an old tale from the world wars. Soldiers stationed in France would see prostitutes using bidets and assumed it was a strictly whore-like thing to do. When in reality everyone was using one. However, since you normally don’t see the prime minister of France on the toilet, bidets got a bad rap.
Bidets are unsanitary.
I have no idea how this came to the general knowledge. I have never felt cleaner then after using my bidet, and the actual mechanics of the bidet stay clean thanks to how it is engineered. On mine there is a shield where the sprayer is located and the nozzle, once turned on, works like a spiket and moves out of a protective case due to water pressure.
It is a waste of water.
It squirts water on your butt for a minute or so, and I use minimal tissue to dry. Do you know how much water is wasted using toilet paper? According to worldwatch.org: “The production of each roll requires an average of 37 gallons [140 liters] of water. The average American uses 57 sheets of toilet paper per day, about 3.7 gallons of water per day figured for just for the manufacturing process.” A bidet, on average, uses .13 gallons per use – that was POINT ONE THREE gallons.
It’s pretty gay.
I have seriously heard this before and I’m 96 percent positive this is why most American’s don’t have a bidet. For some reason if you are in America and something comes near your butthole, or touches your butthole – you and the butt touching object in question are gay. Not just gay, but super gay. Trust me a bidet does not make you gay. It does make you cleaner and fabulous, so maybe just a little gay.
It is like an enema.
Um, no it is not. The bidet water sprays your backside, and gets right into the spots it needs to get into. If your bidet is giving you an enema, the pressure is too high. Also we might need to address the looseness of your butthole. FYI you can do kegels for that problem.
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So overall I’m still unsure why everyone doesn’t own a bidet. Since I bought one that attached to my current toilet, it was inexpensive (like $30) and easy to install. Although, after my initial purchase I’m now looking into a few high-end models – cause I’m boojee like that.
I’ll leave you thinking about installing your own bidet with this final comment. Have a hemorrhoid? You won’t after you get your bidet. I’m telling y’all – life changing.
